It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
