Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
