Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
