woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
