3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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