just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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