apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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