someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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