Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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