You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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