make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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