The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
