You're a womanizer and a bitch.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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