oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When are your genitals available?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
