guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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