I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The air taste purple.
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