4 words: hood of his car
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
