I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
