Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
