girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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