he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
