i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
