My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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