Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
