I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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