I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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