I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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