You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
