I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We left an ass print on the piano.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
