I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
