1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
