I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
