i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
