It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
