Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
