They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
