This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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