I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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