Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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