I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
