stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
