dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
