Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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