Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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