What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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