Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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