We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
