It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
