Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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