I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
