I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
