I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
