I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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