Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
