You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We are two peas in an std pod
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It all started with a game of naked twister.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
