Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
