note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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