So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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