yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
