he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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