the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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