They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
